Why Blog?

Yesterday, I just couldn't get my brain to focus on any thoughts long enough to write a blog.  This is a pretty rare thing for me.  You see, normally my brain is always working overtime.  I've never really talked to many people about this.  I discussed it once with a friend of mine, and she was surprised.  She thought it was unusual.  So, you be the judge.  Am I normal?  Is she normal?  Is there a normal?

My brain is constantly going.  I rarely have what I'd call down time.  I don't hear voices or anything, but I do seem to have a continuous internal dialogue with myself.  I am always either replaying things that have happened, things I think may happen, things I need to do, what I should have said, what someone else said, my thoughts on things, etc.  I've always been this way.  Is it a sign of creativity or instability?  I don't know.  It's just always been that way for me.  I always assumed that everyone was like that until I brought it up with a friend one time.  She said, "Really?  Don't you just ever sit and not think?".  No.  If I'm awake, I am thinking.  That is probably why I love music and television so much.  They are a necessary distraction for me.  I hate complete silence most of the time.  I have so many thoughts running around in my head that it's hard to reign them in at times.

A blog has been a perfect outlet for some of these running thoughts I have.  I am finding that pouring my thoughts out on the page, has helped to slow the constant spinning in my mind.  I probably would be diagnosed with some degree of ADD if I went to a therapist.  I have tremendous difficulty focusing if left to my own devices.  I have trouble praying for long periods of time.  Thinking of those in need, my mind tends to veer off in other directions.  As a result, I find myself saying lots of short prayers over the course of a day.  I've also always had trouble falling asleep at night.  For years, I had to have the TV on to fall asleep.  If left to my own thoughts, I'd lie there for hours trying to sort through it all.  I have finally managed to get by with just a radio, but I stay up as late as I can in hopes of falling asleep quickly.  It's not that the thoughts are negative or anything; they're just exhausting and overwhelming.  Reuben falls asleep within a couple of minutes of lying down most nights.  I can lie there for an hour or two easily.  Even with staying up late, I find myself lying in bed at least thirty minutes or so before falling off.  That's with a radio playing softly. 

So now you know, this blog isn't necessarily for others.  However, I am so pleased that some are enjoying it.  In some way, it's a therapy session for me.  It helps to clear the clutter from my mind.  Please bear with me while I sweep it out.  Some days will be better than others.  Let me know if you, too, experience the active mind syndrome that I do.  I really don't know what's normal.