I love changing my hair. I am obsessed with hair products. Right now, my hair doesn't require much more than shampoo and conditioner, with an occasional dab of pomeade.
My hair is a continuous project of growing it out. Tomorrow I am planning to get it cut quite a bit shorter. I'm looking forward to the change. I love change. However, I know that I will inevitably start growing it back out almost immediately. Why do I do that? If I want it grown out so bad, why don't I just leave it alone?
The answer is I can't help it. I get tired of the same old hair all the time. I find this particularly funny, since my mom hasn't made a significant change to her hair in my lifetime. My sister, similarly, has kept pretty much the same style for the last ten to fifteen years. Where did I get this desire to change things up?
My hair has had so many different styles and shades over the years it's ridiculous. You would think I would eventually find something that I would like so much that I wouldn't want to change. I don't. The color is always just a little different. The cut is always just a little different.
Here's my theory: I am an instant gratification person. When I want something, I want it now. I have spent my entire adult life trying to change the things I don't like about me, without much success. My hair is the one thing I have total control over. When I want to change it, I do. If I could make other changes with such authority, maybe I wouldn't feel the need to change my hair. How great would it be if I could just wake up one day and say, "I want to be thinner," and it would just happen that same day? Or how about if I could just order up prettier skin, longer nails, whiter teeth, or bigger eyes? Wow. I think that would be nice, but maybe it wouldn't be. Maybe I am who I am. Maybe I need to work for the things I want. The hair is just a release of my decisiveness for change. So, I will enjoy what I can change when I want. And I will continue to try and work for the other changes I want.
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