Reel Me In!

Do you ever wish your words were like a hook at the end of a fishing pole?  You could cast them out and quickly reel them in before they could hurt anyone?  I sure do.  I am quick to cast out hurtful words at times.  So many times, I just wish I could take them back. 

I am not coping with the teenage angst of my son very well.  I realize it's a sort of right of passage that a lot of teens go through.  The permanent unexpressive face, the rolling eyes, the sighs at everything you say.  I could do without all of it.  Robbie isn't a hateful child.  He's voted friendliest and most polite by his peers in middle school.  He always manages to be awarded student of the month at some point of every school year.  His teachers go on about how they wish all their kids were like him.  He's so easy-going.  Hmm.  I take all this in with a smile and a nod.  Secretly, I'm wondering if they have the same child in mind as the one that lives with me.  Don't get me wrong.  He's a good kid.  I know and appreciate this.  However, I just don't understand why every bit of his darker side seems to be aimed at us, his parents.  Primarily, he reserves most of it for me.  I guess my lack of patience probably brings out the worst in both of us.  I tend to snap at him in response to his attitude, an attitude he denies having when confronted.  Maybe if I could meet his demeanor with more understanding and less reaction we would mesh a little better.  I don't know.  I do know that I need to find a better way of coping.  Right now, I feel like he's drifting farther and farther away from me into the vast world of teenagerhood...  Come back!  I still love you, I do!  You're still my little boy.  I just don't know how to make you laugh and smile anymore.  Tell me.  I'll try!

I learn new things about my parents every day through my own parenting experiences.  I realize there was a time that they probably felt me drifting away, too.  Why didn't I hear their cries to stay close?  Why was it more important to me what my friends thought than what my parents thought?  I guess it's normal, but normal doesn't always mean good.  I am hoping to find a way to buck the system and keep my kids close to me even as they venture into the world of high school and peer pressure.  If you have any suggestions, I welcome them!