A Doorway that I Run Through in the Night...

What is it like to not dream?  I know several people who say they never dream when they sleep.  I cannot imagine sleep without dreams. 

There's a song from my teen years called "Silent Lucidity."  I loved that song then and still do today.  It talks about dreams.  "There's a place I like to hide; a doorway that I run through in the night....It's a place where you will learn to face your fears, retrace the years, and ride the whims of your mind."

That pretty well sums up dreams for me.  Each night I look forward to seeing what kind of walk my mind has in store for me.  I often dream in the past.  I'm a teenager, carefree and happy.  Sometimes my mind takes me on a ride into an alternate reality.  It's not always better.  It doesn't always make sense.  It is definitely always a ride. 

Dreaming during sleep is one thing.  What dreams do you have for your conscious self?  I think it's all too easy in adulthood to forget about dreams.  I know I find myself stuck in a day-to-day routine that often feels mechanical.  I wonder what I used to dream for myself.  I really don't even remember.  I know I had dreams.  I know some have come true.  I know many, many more have not. 

So, I'm back to the question...what is it like to not dream?  I know that life is enriched by dreams, both sleeping and waking.  I hope I never lose my sleeping dreams, and I hope I will always remember to find my waking dreams as well.  Take a listen to the song if you can.

In closing, I am stealing a quote from one of my guilty pleasures, Teen Mom 2.  I'm pretty sure the guy on there stole it from somewhere, too...

The past is history.  The future's a mystery.  Now is a gift.  That's why they call it the present. 

A Vague Resemblance of Someone I Once Knew

Plastic surgery.  Have you ever considered it?  If you had the money, would you go in for a little nip and tuck?  Are your eyes a little droopy?  Is your brow lower than it once was?  Does your nose need a little tweaking? 

I'm not opposed to all plastic surgery.  In fact, I've had a plastic surgery procedure done.  It wasn't solely for the cosmetic effects.  I had a medical reason as well.  Regardless, I can't say I wouldn't ever have cosmetic surgery for cosmetic reasons.  I can certainly see some benefits to be had. 

I am noticing a disturbing trend, though.  Some of the actors and musicians from my youth are fading away.  I don't mean they're dying.  I mean they are morphing into people that only vaguely resemble who they once were.  This makes me sad. 

I love Kenny Rogers.  His songs are a major part of the soundtrack of my childhood.  I remember thinking back then that he was a handsome man.  He was mostly gray-headed and had the little crows feet wrinkles around his eyes.  He looked like a nice guy.  Normal.  I would love to hear him in concert today.  The only problem...I'd have to close my eyes.  You see, the man claiming to be Kenny Rogers today looks nothing like that man I remember. 

Today I turned on a reunion show of The Waltons.  I watched that show all the time as a kid.  That family always seemed so real.  I particularly liked Michael Learned (a.k.a. Olivia or Mama).  I thought she was such a pretty lady.  There was nothing fancy about her.  I realize she was playing a character.  I just found her look so becoming.  She, too, has fallen victim to the plastic surgery obsession.  Her face is now distorted.  So sad.

I guess I somewhat sympathize more with women that have these procedures.  There's more pressure on women, especially famous women, to stay young looking.  I just wonder if they ever take a good look around to see the adverse effects on others that have been in those shoes.  Joan Rivers.  Need I say more?  It is completely beyond me why men even consider the surgeries.  Men, for the most part, improve with age.  The wrinkles and graying hair give them a distinguished look.  Embrace it.  And ladies, what's worse...looking old or looking distorted?  I'll take old.

Now, you may think I'm being very judgmental here.  I guess I am, but the point is that if we were all a little less judgmental, these folks might not feel the need to try to roll back the hands of time.  Let's all just try to accept the natural effects of aging.  Well, maybe not take it lying down, but don't go to the extremes to fight it.  I'm still going to color my hair, buy skin care products to help with wrinkles, and wear makeup to try to camouflage some of the lesser effects of aging.  And in the end, I hope I can age gracefully.

I Heart Valentine's Day....NOT!!!

Valentine's Day.  I'm not a fan.  I used to be romantic (or delusional, take your pick).  Reality has more than set in.  I still see glimpses of romantic notions.  I try to snap out of them and back to reality as quickly as possible.  What's the point?  I talked last year about what constitutes romance to me now.  I can live with this new approach to love.  What I really don't enjoy about the holiday is Valentine boxes. 

I'm entirely too much of an over-achiever when it comes to artsy crafty projects like Valentine boxes.  I really don't care if my kid wins a prize.  I just want them to have one of the nicest boxes, EVER!  Tall order?  Nah.  Well...maybe.  My motivation has waned over the many years of boxes.  Now, I might just be satisfied to send my child with an old Kleenex box, a pink one, the kind with pink tissues inside.  Pink is Valentine's Day, right?  I might even break out the red Sharpie marker to carefully write his name on it.  Pink AND red.  What more could he need? 

There is one major flaw in this plan.  I've set a precedence.  Why, oh WHY, did I ever start these elaborate boxes??  I still remember the first one we ever made.  It was a bird house made out of foam board, covered in cream and red fabric with little hearts all over.  Robbie was in preschool.  It was a contest.  He won.  I remember another year making a "Love Machine" semi truck.  It was an undertaking.  It involved several boxes, tissue rolls, craft paper, paint, glitter, glue...you name it.  Brady has most recently had a "Love Train", complete with wooden train tracks, a steam engine, and train cars.  Last year we made a church, "God is Love".  We even made stained-glass windows.  Geez!  It makes me tired just thinking about it.

The next incarnation of boxes is due this Friday.  I'm finding it difficult to care.  It doesn't help that I've been knee-deep in home improvements for weeks now.  My creative wells are dry.  I'm tempted to say that this may be the year that one of my kids takes a box that they have made completely on their own.  Tempted, but not sure.  That little thing called Mommy guilt may seep its way into my psyche before then.  Check back very late Thursday night.  Better yet, maybe Robbie can flex his engineering skills in helping his brother.  Yes!  That may be the ticket.  Stay tuned.... And good luck with your,  I mean, your child's box!

PJs Do Not An Outfit Make...

I love the occasional day spent in my PJs.  It's relaxing, right?  Why, then, do I have such a problem with people who treat their PJs like everyday wear?  I don't know, but I do. 

Little irritates me as much as seeing somebody traipsing around town in pajama bottoms.  Have you really completely given up on your looks?  Would it be SOOO much harder to put on a pair of jeans, even athletic pants?  Come on folks.  Unless you are an escaped mental patient or literally on your way home from a hospital discharge, we don't want to see your raggedy flannel bottoms.  There is a reason why they sell these pants in a different section than the jeans and other pants.  THEY AREN'T TO BE WORN OUT IN PUBLIC! 

I blame the clothing companies.  A few years back they invented this new catch phrase, "Lounge Wear."  People have mistaken lounging for running errands.  When I lounge, I don't leave the confines of my home.  I think that's how it should be. 

I have one pair of thermal pajama bottoms.  I love them.  I wear them around my home for hours some days.  I cannot bring myself to put on normal shoes with them, though.  I'm afraid they might suck me in.  Apparently they have a hold on lots of people.  Maybe when you put on your shoes with them they mess with your mind. I don't know.  Whatever causes this momentary lapse of judgment, I want no part of it. 

Please spare us all, and take an extra minute to put on some comfy jeans before you step out to Wal-Mart.  If I wanted to see your PJs, I'd come over to your house and wake you up. 

I'm Baaaaaack! (For the moment, anyway)

I don't know if it's the confinement of the winter or just a build-up of excess thoughts, but I've decided to blog again.  I don't do it for the enjoyment of others.  I don't presume to think I'm entertaining enough for that.  I do it as a form of therapy or something.  It's a nice release.  So, join me in my thoughts if you like.  If you don't, that's fine, too.

A lot of time has passed since I last posted.  I won't bore you with every detail of what has happened in my life since then.  I will bring you up to speed on the major change in my life by simply stating that we have purchased a home and are in the process of a major remodel.

I'm realizing that one learns a lot about oneself through a project like this.  I have always thought that I was a fairly decisive person.  I was wrong.  I thought I knew what I like and don't like.  Again, I was wrong.  I thought I was prepared to take on a large-scale project like this.  I WAS WRONG! 

For many years now, Reuben and I have dreamed of being able to build a home.  The problem is, we never have had a good location on which to build.  Little did I know that this was a blessing in disguise.  At this point, I'm not sure what a new build would have done to our marriage, or at least my mental state. 

I think I'm smart.  I think I'm independent.  I'm finding I could be a lot smarter and a lot more independent.  I find myself daily having to rely on the knowledge of others in order to accomplish my goals.  I find that I need to rely on the helping hands of others to reach those goals.  This has been a humbling experience for me.  I am not super woman.  Ouch!  It hurts to admit that.

So, I come to you as a more humble version of myself.  Life is an ongoing journey of learning.  Maybe, through my mistakes and successes, I can help someone else on their journey....